Saturday, January 2, 2016

"Enough" Limits

Put a Limit on Not Being Enough
I can limit that voice, that overseer that
constantly reminds me I’m not enough.
I have a nasty cold and I have zero energy. My bills are behind and the house is dirty. I’m way behind on work, and a week from tomorrow I leave to go north for three weeks. I have a mess in my rental house to clean up. It all is so overwhelming. It’s 10:30 in the morning and I haven’t accomplished much today. A bit of cleaning and clearing. Walking dogs. Trash and recycling out. It isn’t enough. It seems like it’s never enough day to day regardless of how much I do. It’s only January 2, and I feel like I have a year’s worth of things that are undone.
What can I do today so that at the beginning of the day tomorrow I will not feel so overwhelmed? First, I can cut myself a huge helping of slack. The week spent blowing my nose and watching Netflix could not be helped. Getting out of bed too soon complicated my recovery from this cold. I can’t do the things I would have done in the last six days had I been well. That whole year’s worth of things to do? At the beginning of each year, each of us has a year’s worth of things to do. They might not be stacks of clutter or paper or floors that must be mopped and carpets cleaned and flowerbeds weeded, but it’s a year nonetheless.
That year of things facing me? That year is made of 365 days. Today is only one of them. It’s limited. I’m limited. If I were to resolve anything for this second day of the year, it would be to recognize that this day is limited. I can do only so much. I steal and negate my own energy by chastising myself for what is undone as I begin this day or any day. I can limit that voice, that overseer that constantly reminds me that I’m not enough. I am enough, yesterday, today, and each tomorrow of the year that awaits me.

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