I Won't Tell You I'm Honest

Cracked Grace

I Won’t Tell You I’m Honest

Even Though I Am (Most of the Time)

“I’m a person of honesty, integrity, and have high values.” I am suspicious whenever someone lets me know right away how honest he or she is. I wonder whether they’re trying to convince me or convince themselves.

It’s such a cliché, but a person’s actions mean much more and speak much more than their words. I would never tell someone how honest I am. I would never tell someone I have integrity. I would never tell someone I have high values. Why? First, I haven’t felt it necessary to do so and in case I did, I would hesitate. I have lied on occasion. I haven’t always had the highest integrity in my dealings with others. I have high values in my mind, but I don’t always behave in a manner that reflects those high values.

I’m imperfect. I don’t announce that, either (except in this context). I also don’t announce my positive traits, often because I’m busy trying to convince myself that I have them. I’m not particularly humble about my positive qualities, it's just that I know I’m evolving. Today, I might not be as truthful, or show integrity in the best ways, or act with my highest values in mind. Tomorrow I will try to do better with honesty, with integrity, and with living my values. That will take honesty, integrity, and acting on my highest values.

Truth: I Lie to Me

Truth: I Lie to Me

Each of us must find our truth in the present.

I ponder truth, and all that comes to mind is lies.

Lie to me. I do it all the time. I tell my lies when I’m future self. Future self lies every day. Future self will . . . write later, exercise tomorrow, eat healthier—next week.

Lie to me. I do it all the time. Nebulous future self is my biggest lie. Truth lies in my substance as a living being—a woman, mother, writer, gardener. My core truth resides in the now—with every breath, thought, movement, with every word, written or spoken.

The truth of my fleeting self is that I am here for but a minute capsule of time—my present—so why would I ever lie to me?

The Great Until also puts powerful brakes on living my truth.

Lie to me. I do it all the time: “Until the dishes are done, floor mopped, mortgage paid (fill in the blank ____________). Until the Great Until, I continue to lie to me.

I lie to me. I do it all the time. It paralyzes me.

Will I lie to me today? I must, we all must, find our truth in present self and banish The Great Until to the great beyond.

Fear and Truth

Cracked Grace

Fear and Truth

I must become less afraid of alienating people when I share what’s true for me.