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| Capturing light after dark situations is difficult, but it can be done. |
Verbal assault is nasty stuff. On a
Saturday morning a few weeks ago, myself and a few others were enjoying the
peace and pastoral environment surrounding us. Like most successful assaults,
this one came out of the blue, all the better to wage a successful battle, I
suppose.
Friendly words were exchanged, and
then came the surprise attack. Mea culpa: I fessed up and requested what I
needed—a photocopy—to remedy the situation. The assault continued with a
mocking, denigrating tone. I continued to practice defense. I explained the
reasons for my error and offered to remedy it post haste. The mocking and
denigrating continued. When the continued degradation failed to produce an
anticipated, much-longed-for negative reaction from me, the assaulter took
another jab, this one unfounded, but nonetheless cutting and borderline cruel.
Spoiling for a fight, he was, and until that time his efforts had been
thwarted. I counterattacked, but with a valid assertion.
As battles go, this one began to
escalate until someone stepped in and firmly advised me that the battle was
futile and ordered me to depart. My commanding officer was correct: it was time
for retreat.
Following my successful retreat
inside my house, I still felt bombarded, my peace was disrupted, my pastoral
environment tarnished with vitriol. I spewed my own frustration in the safety
of my walls and worked off the hot steam of anger that had been forced into my
psyche.
I had begun my day with abundant
energy and optimism for a productive Saturday and anticipation of a relaxing,
spiritual, and pleasure-filled Sunday. I was so consumed with anger and
righteous indignation that I felt like abandoning all my plans and spending the
rest of my life—or at least the weekend—plotting and carrying out sweet
revenge. Ah, revenge: its taste awoke long-dormant sensations. Yes! I will…
However, a few moments of scheming
turned that sweet taste into bile. All I could think about was how to rid my
being of the entire experience and especially the foul feelings with which I
was left. My energy was sapped, my optimism was deflated, and my anticipation
crushed. I examined my present state and my thoughts and realized that was not
how I wanted to spend my weekend. I decided to spit out the bile, calm my
psyche, and refocus the balance of my day—the balance of my weekend. I knew my
efforts would not change what had transpired earlier in the day, but I also
knew I didn’t want to spend a moment more of my life cogitating on the
situation.
I did all I could to remedy the
initial excuse for the assault by spending about 45 minutes on the Internet. Taking
care of practical matters relevant to the initial assault reenergized me. I had
done everything I could. I whipped up another batch of optimism and
anticipation and carried on with my plans for the day. I’m grateful I had the
presence of mind to do so, because my earlier vision of a productive Saturday
and a relaxing, spiritual, and pleasure-filled Sunday became a reality.
It’s not easy to refocus after
being assaulted verbally. It’s not easy to let things go and carry on with
one’s life. I have too often been the champion of being so devastated by
experiences that I’ve wasted days spitting and spewing my own vitriol. I cannot
say with full confidence that the next time vitriol comes my way I’ll be able
to confront it, surpass it, and move beyond it into productive, relaxing,
spiritual, and pleasure-filled hours. However, surviving such an assault once and,
most important, not giving in to revenge, and, next important, not spending too
many precious moments trapped in a vicious cycle of he said/she said, he
did/she did, you did/I did and now I’m going to get you back is a victory well
achieved and one for which I will strive in the future.
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